150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

You can knock on a deaf man's door forever.

The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.

Cause I'm Irish, and everyone remembers me.

Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees.

The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.

It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.

There is a proverbial saying chiefly concerned with warning against too closely calculating the numerical value of un-hatched chicks.

The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.

He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times.

Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers.

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.

You have a very open relationship with your fans. Yes. We have an open relationship. Obviously they can see other authors if they want, and I can see other readers.

So many things to see, people to do.

Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time.

We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage'. I believe the technical term is being an ass.

A novelist can’t be without a kimono and pen!(Shigure)

Death should take me while I am in the mood.

In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.

How long have you been with Raphael?You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.-Venom and Elena

She blew out a breath between gritted teeth. Sometimes I really want to—a frustrated sound—bite you! He froze. I might let you. I won’t do it if you’d enjoy it.

It begins in the heart...and it hurts when it's true.It only hurts because it's true.

To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.