150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

I don't need anything to get high. I'm high on life.

I'm a big believer in putting things off, In fact, I even put off procrastinating.-Ella Varner

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

Everything not forbidden is compulsory

Everyone knows revenge is a dish best served when you've had enough time to build up enough vitriol and fury.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.

When God made man she was practicing.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen.

You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.

hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.

I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.

Name the different kinds of people,’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living,’ he said. ‘Er. The dead.’ He stopped. Then, ‘... Cats?’ he offered, uncertainly.

Could we wear spandex and blow things up?

I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them.

The food was so good that with each passing course, our conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its deliciousness:'I want this dragon carrot risotto to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it.

He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.