150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

This paper, by its very length, defends itself from ever being read.

Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.

When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.

Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.

Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.

Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?

Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)

Inconceivable! You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

We’ll never survive! Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.

It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.

I never met a man that I didn't like.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up? All the time.

What I'm expecting is for you to behave like the gentleman I always thought you were.