150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living.

I’ve been thinking. A dangerous pursuit. Indeed.

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

The shortest distance between two people is a smile.

Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives.

I didn't know that idiocy caused people to just start spontaneously bleeding from the nose.

Rules and school are tools for fools! I don't give two mules for rules.

I really should come with a warning label.

We're actors — we're the opposite of people!

If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.

...disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business....

People have hope because they cannot see Death standing behind them.

BE QUIET!!...What do you want...? I was in the middle of saying something nice...

Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

Some people say, Never let them see you cry. I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.