150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

Yes! I'm me! I am careful and logical and I look up things I don't understand! When I hear people use the wrong words, I get edgy! I am good with cheese. I read books fast! I think! And I always have a piece of string! That's the kind of person I am!

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.

Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it.

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. Have you thought of going into teaching?

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

This book was written using 100% recycled words.

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.