200+ Funny Quotes Guaranteed to Make Your Day Better

Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural.

Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames.

We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.

Mussolini? Leo frowned. Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?

That’s us, he said. Those five nuts right there.Which one is me? I asked.The little deformed one, Zoe suggested.Oh, shut up.

This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen.

I certainly hadn't expected to walk away from today's trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon.

Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place.

Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?

What do you think Dimitri? Is this a good idea, Dimitri? Please give us your blessing so that we can fall down and worship you, Dimitri.

Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play.

Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press.

It just seems like overkill when you already have a dagger and I have superpowerful magic at my disposal.‘Superpowerful?’He stood up, a gold chain dangling from his fingers. Let me remind you of two words, Mercer: Bad. Dog.

Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed.

Me neither, Shane put in. Homie don’t play that.I wonder, sometimes, if your generation speaks English at all, Amelie said.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.

It's not called being gay, it's called being fabulous!

And she says, Then let’s just take the effing road and get ourselves to Haven.I smile, a little. You said effing, I say. You actually said the word effing.

Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.

I would feel infinitely more comfortable in your presence if you would agree to treat gravity as a law, rather than one of a number of suggested options.

My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.

She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..

I passed out from stress? That’s it?I believe the princess term is fainted, said Thorne.