100+ Funny Quotes & Sayings

Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.

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You will not pass! Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.

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My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.

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Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me?

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But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.

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Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

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Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am-Luna Lovegood

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IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!

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Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!

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Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother?

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Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat

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Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.

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...you don't care because you're all that and I'm just an artery in a dress.

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The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!

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Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.

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You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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I wish I knew how to quit you, Tumblr.

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She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.

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You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

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If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American -- our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.

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I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth.

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Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me.

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I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders if you chose to.

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Be a Samurai.Because you just never know what's behind the freaking sky.

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Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.

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One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.

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Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork.

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Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.

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I want to make a memorial for our turkey. Never has a bird been so tortured to provide such a lousy dinner.

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Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.

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If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

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the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise.

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Dogs have their day but cats have 365.

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When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!

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Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

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I passed out from stress? That’s it?I believe the princess term is fainted, said Thorne.

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She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..

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