Lemony Snicket

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.

It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it.

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.

To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn't work, there is nothing left.

People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.

Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity.

It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.

Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise.

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.

A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.