100+ Funny Quotes & Sayings

And she says, Then let’s just take the effing road and get ourselves to Haven.I smile, a little. You said effing, I say. You actually said the word effing.

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However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are."

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There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality.

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Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed.

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Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career.

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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

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His eyebrows pulled in. You won’t leave me, right? Even when I’m a pain in the ass?I vowed in front of God – and Elvis – that I wouldn’t, didn’t I?

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Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me?

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Be a Samurai.Because you just never know what's behind the freaking sky.

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He stared at her neck. Realization pulsed. He was looking at the bite he had given her. A hard length was growing against her hip. So, is that your long, scaly, reptilian tail, or are you just happy to see me? No, she did not just say that. Did she?

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But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.

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What do you think Dimitri? Is this a good idea, Dimitri? Please give us your blessing so that we can fall down and worship you, Dimitri.

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Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!

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You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!

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Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.

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A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

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Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?

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Dude. Hot Bozo. Best nickname ever.

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She already had a headache-she didn't want to add 'get tortured' to today's to-do list.

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It just seems like overkill when you already have a dagger and I have superpowerful magic at my disposal.‘Superpowerful?’He stood up, a gold chain dangling from his fingers. Let me remind you of two words, Mercer: Bad. Dog.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la!

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Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place.

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Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

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Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press.

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I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it.

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I certainly hadn't expected to walk away from today's trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon.

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Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play.

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Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

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I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.

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This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen.

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Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

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The shortest horror story:The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

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Dogs have their day but cats have 365.

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It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, yourbeard’s stupid.Isn’t this fun? Skulduggery said brightly. The three of usgetting along so well.

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I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

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Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

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Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

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My brother spent a large portion of the agonizingly slow drive to school banging his forehead on the stearing wheel.

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