Eoin Colfer

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal tapped this into her notepad.Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?