Groucho Marx Welcome to our collection of popular quotes by

We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.

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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while

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I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

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Before I speak, I have something important to say.

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