200+ Funny Quotes Guaranteed to Make Your Day Better

She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.

I wish I knew how to quit you, Tumblr.

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!

Of course you know, this means war.

I know I'm delicious. Nummy.....nummy.-Vlad

Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo.

The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar’s open!

...you don't care because you're all that and I'm just an artery in a dress.

Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.

Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat

Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother?

His eyebrows pulled in. You won’t leave me, right? Even when I’m a pain in the ass?I vowed in front of God – and Elvis – that I wouldn’t, didn’t I?

Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!

IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!

Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am-Luna Lovegood

Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.

Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me?

My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.

You will not pass! Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.

Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.

Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.