Mark Twain Welcome to our collection of popular quotes by

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

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• Writing

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

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• Humor

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

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• Humor

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

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• Humor

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

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• Humor

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

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• Love

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

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• Humor

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

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• Inspirational

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English

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• Humor

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

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• Humor

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

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• Truth

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

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• Humor

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.

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• Humor

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

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• Truth