Mark Twain

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.