Mark Twain

Classic? - a book which people praise and don't read.

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what youknow ain't so'.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.

Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.