Mark Twain

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Familiarity breeds contempt and children.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.