Quotes and sayings about tag  #funny

Quotes and sayings about tag  funny

223 Quotes

Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was.

D.J. MacHale

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Dave Barry

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

Ellen DeGeneres

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.

Galileo Galilei

Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.

Graham Parke

I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

George Carlin

Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

J.K. Rowling

I sometimes give myself excellent advice. Occasionally, I even listen to it.

Jim Butcher

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.

Katie McGarry

A pause followed my greeting. Then We’re watching you whispered the voice on the other end.Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged.

Josh Lanyon

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

Lemony Snicket

It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen.

Philip K. Dick

She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up.

Richelle Mead

Too bad. Family members hit you by accident. Psychopathic whores tend to come back for more.

Richelle Mead

And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!

Rick Riordan

You know how teachers tell you the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. The magic word is 'puke'. It will get you out of class faster than anything else.

Rick Riordan

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

Rodney Dangerfield

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.

Samuel Beckett

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

Terry Pratchett

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Will Rogers

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Alfred Hitchcock

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Anonymous

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.

Bertrand Russell

She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble.

Cassandra Rose Clarke

How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!

Cathy East Dubowski

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

Criss Jami

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.

Criss Jami

Dude. Hot Bozo. Best nickname ever.

Cynthia Hand

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

Darynda Jones

You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.

Cynthia Hand

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