George Carlin Welcome to our collection of popular quotes by

I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

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• Funny

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

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• Humor

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

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• Life

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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• Humor

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.

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• Humor

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

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• Humor

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

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• Humor

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

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• Humor

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

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• Humor

How is it possible to have a civil war?

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• Humor

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

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• Humor

It's never just a game when you're winning.

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• Humor

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

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• Humor

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

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• Humor

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

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• Humor