Popular Quotes by George Carlin

George Carlin Cool & famous Quotes by

31 Quotes and sayings

George Carlin was an American comedian, actor, writer, and social critic. He was born in New York City in 1937 and died in Santa Monica, California in 2008. Carlin is considered one of the most influential stand-up comedians of all time. He was known for his black comedy and his reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and taboo subjects. Carlin's "seven dirty words" routine was central to the 1978 United States Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to censor indecent material on public airwaves. Carlin won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums and was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008.

I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

George Carlin

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

George Carlin

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

George Carlin

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

George Carlin

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.

George Carlin

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

George Carlin

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

George Carlin

How is it possible to have a civil war?

George Carlin

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

George Carlin

It's never just a game when you're winning.

George Carlin

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

George Carlin

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

George Carlin

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.

George Carlin

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

George Carlin

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

George Carlin

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

George Carlin

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

George Carlin

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

George Carlin

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

George Carlin

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

George Carlin

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.

George Carlin

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

Page 1 from 2