George Carlin Welcome to our collection of popular quotes by

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

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• Truth

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

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• Humor

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.

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• Humor

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

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• Inspirational

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

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• Humor

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

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• Humor

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

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• Humor

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

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• Humor

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

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• Life

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

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• Humor

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

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• Humor

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.

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• Humor

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

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• Books

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

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• Inspirational

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

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• Humor