Humor
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In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
Welcome to our collection of popular quotes by
George Carlin
George Carlin was an American comedian, actor, writer, and social critic. He was born in New York City in 1937 and died in Santa Monica, California in 2008. Carlin is considered one of the most influential stand-up comedians of all time. He was known for his black comedy and his reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and taboo subjects. Carlin's "seven dirty words" routine was central to the 1978 United States Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to censor indecent material on public airwaves. Carlin won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums and was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008.
- 31 quotations
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Humor
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I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
Humor
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It's never just a game when you're winning.
Humor
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Humor
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
Humor
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Humor
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Humor
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Humor
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
Humor
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If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
Humor
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Life
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Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.
Humor
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
31 quotations
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