To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.?
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree.
Flannery O'Connor
For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.
Darynda Jones
You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.
Peter S. Beagle
In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.
Roman Payne
If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away.
Seanan McGuire
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.
David Cook
I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.
David Sedaris
I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit!
Sharon Swan
I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.
Demetri Martin
I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.
Derek Landy
It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, yourbeard’s stupid.Isn’t this fun? Skulduggery said brightly. The three of usgetting along so well.
Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple. Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that.
Douglas Adams
The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42!
I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd.
E.A. Bucchianeri
Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career.
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
Ellen DeGeneres
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.
Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.
Eoin Colfer
I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?
Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.
Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.
Erica Jong
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
Erma Bombeck
It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.
Francine Pascal
I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
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