150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Chocolate is God's apology for brocolli

Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.

Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it.

What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine.

TANDAAN: mahirap mafriendzone, pero madali lang gumanti!

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

Well, she said. I’m frustrated.Don’t make me angry-kiss you.Give me the laundry.Tempers rising, faces flushed … This is how it happens.

Walking around nude in front of humans was not a good way to keep a low profile with the community. It was an excellent way to make new friends, though.

When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference.But laughing is exactly what I did.

Um...Mercer? Haven't seen you in nearly a month. I was expecting something like, 'Oh Cross, love of my heart, fire of my loins, how I've longed--

But this room looked like it had been decorated by the unholy lovechild of Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake.

Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.

Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth.

My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map.

That's kind of a leap, but the Russian judge gave you a nine point five for style, so okay.

Sure, she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. What could go wrong?Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror.Besides everything, I mean, she said.

Run first,' Shane said. 'Mourn later.'It was the perfect motto for Morganville.

I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand.

When you say gorgeous, Jen started, are we talking Brad Pitt boyish good looks, or Johnny Depp make ya want to slap somebody? No, we’re talking Brad and Johnny need to bow down and recognize Jacque answered.

Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?