150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

What...what about when I'm married?We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.

French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.

St. Clair clears his throat. 'My fiancée and I are headed out for a celebratory dessert. I'd ask you all to join us, but I don't want you there.

I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.

The only French word I know is oui, which means yes, and only recently did I learn it’s spelled o-?u-?i and not w-?e-?e.

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me...only he's an imbecile.

If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be ...

I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn’t exist anymore.

The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.

There are any number of magical creatures, mostly female, whose singing can bring about horror and death. Sirens, undines, banshees, Bananarama tribute bands...

Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)

I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die.

Kat laughed. 'Who wants to live forever?'Kish put his hand up. 'For the record, I do.'Sin scowled at him. 'Then why do you irritate me so often?'Suicidal tendencies are inherent in my species?

You'd be surprised how many people in the modern age no longer fear zombies as much as teletubies.

Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian)

My beard grows down to my toes,I never wears no clothes,I wraps my hairAround my bare,And down the road I goes.

why can't you see i'm a kid', said the kid.Why try to make me like you?Why are you hurt when I don't cuddle?Why do you sigh when I splash through a puddle?Why do you scream when I do what I did?Im a kid.

The baby batScreamed out in fright,'Turn on the dark,I'm afraid of the light.