150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement.

First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard.

No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad

Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!

Don't care for her tongue, do you? How strange. I find it one of my favorite parts.Bones to Gregor

You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

Mirrors should think longer before they reflect.

The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.

Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.

Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.

I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!

If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.

Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.

Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's all.

Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.

I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.

Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.

I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride - where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.