150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

And pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked.

It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?

Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing after all.

Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

How did you become blind, uh, Jeff is it? Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened.

Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has...a soul.' ... 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance?

I didn't know a van could go up on two wheels like that, for so long.

Meaning what? We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."Have you been watching Oprah again?

You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.

Man, you weigh a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?" "Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that's when I knew how upset he'd been

Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.

Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments.' Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive.

I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous.

Listen, street punk. You're a guy, and you're a couple inches taller, and maybe forty pounds heavier, and ooh, you're in a gang. But I've survived ten years of Catholic school, and I will cut you off at your knees without a blink. Do you understand?

"I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.

If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.

I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to

Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?

I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed - or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.

Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?

Where is Wood? said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there.Still in the showers, said Fred. We think he's trying to drown himself.