150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Actually I don't remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

Are you always a smartass?'Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench.

If I was on the road to Hell, at least I was going in style.

Don't call me a dinosaur. It isn't fair to the dinosaurs. What did a dinosaur ever do to you?

I'm amazing and studly, but I have limits.

We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville.

I died. I died and someone made a clerical error and I am in Heaven.

It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done.I turned around and ran like hell.

I let out a battle cry. Sure, a lot of people might have mistaken it for a sudden yelp of unmanly fear, but trust me. It was a battle cry.

Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect.

A succubus on the set. Strike that, the health-conscious kid sister made it two… succubuses. Succubusees? Succubi? Stupid Latin correspondence course.

You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!

I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.

See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.

In the action business, when you don't want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it 'taking cover.' It's more heroic.

You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.

Caring about someone isn't complicated. It isn't easy. But it isn't complicated, either. Kinda like lifting the engine block out of a car.

Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!

I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.

I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.

I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax.