H.L. Mencken

You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.

Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.

The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.

Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong.

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.

We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.