Woody Allen

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My brain? That's my second favorite organ.

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.