Terry Pratchett

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.

She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it.

Progress just means bad things happen faster.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

"No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon? "What?" Oh, you'd like something simpler?

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things.

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

I should have learned this, she thought. I wanted to learn fire, and pain, but I should have learned people.