Quotes and sayings about tag  #humor

Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

1,286 Quotes

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.

Abraham Lincoln

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

Aesop

"Poirot," I said. I have been thinking.An admirable exercise my friend. Continue it.

Agatha Christie

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Albert Einstein

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

Alan Bradley

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Albert Einstein

Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilization in high boots

Albert Einstein

Forget men, I want to marry my MacBook. It’s dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it.

Alexandra Potter

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Alfred Hitchcock

I think it's kinda nice.' And I did. my mom isn't famous for her pies. No, she's famous for defusing a nuclear device in Brussels with only a pair of cuticle scissors and a ponytail holder. Somehow, at the moment, pies seemed cooler.

Ally Carter

You don't need a search warrant to go through someone's trash. Seriously. Once it hits the curb it is totally fair game-you an look it up.

Ally Carter

She'd absolutely adored the library_an entire building where anyone could take things they didn't own and feel no remorse about it.

Ally Carter

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Ambrose Bierce

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Ambrose Bierce

Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.

Ambrose Bierce

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

Ambrose Bierce

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Ambrose Bierce

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need to have.

Andy Warhol

If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.

Andy Weir

Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?— Riley Poole

Ann Lloyd

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.

Barney Stinson

You don't happen to have a thousand dollars I can borrow? I don't have five you can borrow. My piggy bank is officialy anorexic.

Becca Fitzpatrick

There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

Bertrand Russell

People who entered the Courtyard without an invitation were just plain crazy! Wolves were big and scary and so fluffy, how could anyone resist hugging one just to feel all that fur?Ignore the fluffy, she muttered. Remember the part about big and scary.

Anne Bishop

If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing.

Benjamin Franklin

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

Bill Hicks

The world isn't fair, Calvin. I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

Bill Watterson

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

Bill Watterson

From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.

Bill Watterson

When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work.

Brandon Mull

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