Quotes and sayings about tag  #humor

Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

1,286 Quotes

I don't really like coffee, she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either.

Brian Andreas

Ah, pay no heed if your enemies laugh. They'll not be able to once you lop off their heads.

Christopher Paolini

Anything that doesn't take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing.

Cormac McCarthy

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

Chelsea Handler

When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Cory Doctorow

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

Criss Jami

When you're the only sane person, you look like the only insane person.

Criss Jami

You are evidence of your mother's strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity.

Criss Jami

The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it.

Criss Jami

There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about.

Criss Jami

I'm the terrorist, do what I say or I'll terrorize you.

D.J. MacHale

There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)

D.J. MacHale

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.

Dale Carnegie

You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.

Cynthia Hand

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.

Daniel Handler

It's the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It's seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can't watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor's tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health.

Daniel Quinn

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.?

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Darynda Jones

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.

Darynda Jones

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

Darynda Jones

After a long, labored sigh, I said, She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.You do have that effect on people.

Darynda Jones

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.

Darynda Jones

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt

Darynda Jones

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

Darynda Jones

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT

Darynda Jones

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.

Darynda Jones

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Dave Barry

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

Dave Barry

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

Dave Barry

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.

Dave Barry

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