150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

I should never be left alone with my mind for too long.

Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing--turn your toes out when you walk---And remember who you are!

Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.

Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.

If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.

Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!

have i gone mad?im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.

Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?

We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third.

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.

There are never enough 'I love you's.

Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.

Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity.

Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.

A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.

Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.