Steve Martin

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.