Quotes on “humour”

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

You will suffer, son of Hades!’ What else is new? Nico thought.

Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.

Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isn't.

When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them?

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Try patting them on the back or shoulder and telling them everything is going to be fine. Lots of times when girls cry, they don't want you to fix the problem, they just want to be consoled.

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch

Our relationship wasn't the sun, the moon, the stars, but it wasn't bullshit, either.

Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.

If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.