Quotes and sayings about tag  #humour

Quotes and sayings about tag  humour


I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

Dave Barry

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Dave Barry

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you

Greg Behrendt

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

Rodney Dangerfield

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

Terry Pratchett

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.

Darynda Jones

Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt

Darynda Jones

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

Darynda Jones

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

Roman Payne

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

Darynda Jones

My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me.

Diana Wynne Jones

We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

Douglas Adams

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.

Douglas Adams

I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd.

E.A. Bucchianeri

Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career.

E.A. Bucchianeri

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

Eoin Colfer

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Eoin Colfer

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Friedrich Nietzsche

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

George Carlin

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.

George Saunders

I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within.

Gustave Flaubert

People soon get tired of things that aren't boring, but not of what is boring.

Haruki Murakami

Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.

Honoré de Balzac

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

Jasper Fforde

If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.

Johnny Depp

Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.

Joss Whedon

Our relationship wasn't the sun, the moon, the stars, but it wasn't bullshit, either.

Junot Díaz

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