150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

There will be no yelling at people who are bleeding themselves to unconsciousness.

Find something useful to do with your morning,' she thought to him as she neared her chambers. 'Do something heroic in front of an audience. Knock a child into a river while no one's looking and then rescue him.

I looked to the ceiling and told God, God, next time I want an adventure, strike me with lightning. You have my permission.

Darwin says people like you need to die. (Carrow)

When I grow up, I'd like to be dangerous.

Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid.

Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul.

Join us next time for Days of the Undead when Rachel learns her long lost brother is really a crown prince from outer space.

If you fail to report within the next 12 hours. you will be terminated. If you attack any humans, you will be terminated. If you attempt to remove the tracking device, you will be terminated. We look forward to working with you.

Please welcome Professor Varen Nethers, famous depressed dead poets historian and author of the bestselling books Unlocking your Poe-tential: A Writer's Guide, and Mo Poe Fo Yo: When You Just Can't Get Enough.

If you say ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl.

We scarified a mosquito. I bet that's what did it. It was probably a virgin too.

Another werewolf thing. Like most animals, we spent a large part of our lives engaged in the three Fs of basic survival. Feeding, fighting and... reproduction.

You forget, darling.I am the local psychopath.

Why do all your brilliant ideas involve felonies?

An elite confederacy of nerds. My peeps

I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.

You, Ms. Lane, are a menace to others! A walking, talking catastrophe in pink!

I care. They bother me. And that's why I'm stupid. That makes me exponentially more stupid than stupid. I'm stupid to the power of stupid.

You climbed into my window in the middle of the night. So, either you're some kind of Vampire or some kind of Perv. Which is it?

You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.

See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.

Pranks vs school= pranks win all day

If you didn't grow up like I did then you don't know, and if you don't know it's probably better you don't judge.