200+ Funny Quotes Guaranteed to Make Your Day Better

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hey, Mr. Nakata. Gramps. Fire! Flood! Earthquake! Revolution! Godzilla's on the loose! Get up!

A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.

I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist

The shortest horror story:The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.

The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree.

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career.

I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd.

The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42!

Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple. Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that.