Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.

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• Humor

His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.

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• Humor

A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.

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• Humor

I have to go. I have a finite amount of life left and I don't want to spend it arguing with you.

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• Relationships

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

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• Humor

I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.

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• Humor

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason

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• Humor

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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• Humor

If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you.

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• Humor

Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations.

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• Humor

While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, 'I love you' to me for the first time. It sounded like 'All lub boo,' but I didn't care. To reciprocate, I showed her what an ex-Marine looks like when he cries.

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• Love

In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!

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• Motivational

Heroism doesn't pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up.

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• Humor

I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.

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• Humor

Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?

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• Humor