Quotes on “humor”

I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you.

See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.

In the action business, when you don't want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it 'taking cover.' It's more heroic.

You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.

Caring about someone isn't complicated. It isn't easy. But it isn't complicated, either. Kinda like lifting the engine block out of a car.

Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!

I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.

I'm so pretty, it's hard for me to think of myself as intelligent.

I’ve had a tense couple of days. And I’ve got to tell you, burning someone’s face off sounds like a great way to relax.

So. You get handed a holy sword by an archangel, told to go fight the forces of evil, and you somehow remain an atheist. Is that what you're saying?

Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.

Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.

You know how confusing the whole good-evil concept is for me.

Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?

I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.

Heroism doesn't pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up.

In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!

While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, 'I love you' to me for the first time. It sounded like 'All lub boo,' but I didn't care. To reciprocate, I showed her what an ex-Marine looks like when he cries.