Quotes on “humor”

Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations.

If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you.

What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason

I've had great success being a total idiot.

I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

I have to go. I have a finite amount of life left and I don't want to spend it arguing with you.

A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.

His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear.

Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand. (Bones)

No, I do my torturing in the dungeon like any other respectable castle owner,

Your mum pounced on her and started sucking away. Would’ve been arousing if not for all the screaming.Ian, Bones drew out warningly.He grinned. You’re right. I was aroused anyway.