Quotes on “humor”

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.

Progress just means bad things happen faster.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

"No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon? "What?" Oh, you'd like something simpler?

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.

There is always time for another last minute