Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.

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There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

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I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

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A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

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The world isn't fair, Calvin. I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

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Housework can kill you if done right.

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I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

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No one in the world gets what they want and that is beautiful.

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From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.

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"This is a good place," he said. "There's a lot of liquor," I agreed.

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I don't really like coffee, she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either.

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Total non-retention has kept my education from being a burden to me.

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My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

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I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.

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