Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

I'll not listen to reason... reason always means what someone else has got to say.

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• Humor

There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.

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• Humor

I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)

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• Humor

Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either.

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• Life

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

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• Inspirational

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

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• Humor

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

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• Life

One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.

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• Humor

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

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• Humor

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.

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• Humor

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

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• Humor

If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.

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• Humor

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

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• Humor

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

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• Humor

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

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• Humor

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

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• Humor

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

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• Humor

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal tapped this into her notepad.Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?

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• Humor

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

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• Humor

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

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• Humor

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

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• Humor

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

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• Humor

Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

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• Humor

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

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• Humor

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

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• Humor

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

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• Humor

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

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• Life

Now Darkstripe,' Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, 'is neither young, nor pretty.

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• Humor

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

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• Humor

When your mother asks, " Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

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• Humor