Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

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Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

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The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.

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Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

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The integrity of my sleep has been forever compromised, sir.

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If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

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He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

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Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic.

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Because sometimes you just have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore.

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I've always known I was gay, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in kindergarten.It was my teacher who said so. It was right there on my kindergarten report card: PAUL IS DEFINITELY GAY AND HAS VERY GOOD SENSE OF SELF.

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We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.

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The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.

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Call me sentimental, but there's no-one in the world that I'd like to see get dysentery more than you

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At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.

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