Quotes on “humor”

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?

We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third.

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.

There are never enough 'I love you's.

Let's be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.

Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.

Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.

A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.

Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.

This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.

Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something