Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

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• Humor

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

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• Humor

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.

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• Humor

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

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• Humor

I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.

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• Humor

Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong.

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• Humor

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

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• Humor

The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.

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• Humor

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.

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• Inspirational

Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.

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• Humor

Mulling this over, Vlad wiped her lip gloss from his lips with the back of his hand.Vampires, after all, didn't sparkle.

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• Humor

It is proved by surveys that happiness does not come from love, wealth, or power but the pursuit of attainable goals.

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• Humor

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.

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• Humor

As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.

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• Humor

Any fool can make a ruleAnd any fool will mind it.

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• Humor