Quotes and sayings about tag  humor

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

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• Humor

Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale..

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• Humor

I'd rather be fried alive and eaten by Mexicans.

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• Humor

I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.

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• Humor

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,Go throw your TV set away,And in its place you can installA lovely bookshelf on the wall.Then fill the shelves with lots of books.

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• Humor

How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all.

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• Humor

Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get.

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• Humor

Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.

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• Humor

The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope.

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• Humor

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

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• Humor

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

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• Humor

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.

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• Humor

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

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• Life

Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.-Jillian's mother

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• Humor

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

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• Humor