Quotes on “humor”

I like girls who eat Carrots. ~ Louis Tomlinson

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

if something is there, you can only see it with your eyes open, but if it isn't there, you can see it just as well with your eyes closed. That's why imaginary things are often easier to see than real ones.

Writer’s block is only a failure of the ego.

That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea.

I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regrettedmost of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.

When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

You can knock on a deaf man's door forever.

The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.

Life is and will ever remain an equation incapable of solution, but it contains certain known factors.

Cause I'm Irish, and everyone remembers me.

Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees.