150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money.

I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!

If anger were mileage, I'd be a very frequent flyer, right up there in First Class.

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing.

I feel an almost overwhelming interest in the methods of daylight abduction employed by the modern youth.

You're only a man! You've not our gifts! I can tell you! Why, a woman can think of a hundred different things at once, all them contradictory!

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.

Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys.

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.

Electricity is really just organized lightning

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.