The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Dorothy Parker
The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.
Jay McInerney
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad
Jeaniene Frost
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.
Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?
I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host.
See? I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?A snort preceded his response. Keep dreaming, pet.
Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will come to you--And if that makes you happy, kid,You'll be the first it ever did.
Would you mind repeating that? I'm afraid I might have lost my wits altogether and just hallucinated what I've longed to hear.
I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
I've had great success being a total idiot.
Jerry Lewis
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
Jerry Seinfeld
I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
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