Quotes on “humor”

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

What...what about when I'm married?We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.

French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused.

St. Clair clears his throat. 'My fiancée and I are headed out for a celebratory dessert. I'd ask you all to join us, but I don't want you there.

I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.

The only French word I know is oui, which means yes, and only recently did I learn it’s spelled o-?u-?i and not w-?e-?e.

Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me...only he's an imbecile.

If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be ...

Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.

I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn’t exist anymore.

I'm not going to die, I'm going home like a shooting star.

The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.