Quotes on “humor”

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal tapped this into her notepad.Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.

She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back. That’s my girl.

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.

Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either.

I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)

There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.