Quotes on “humor”

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

Familiarity breeds contempt and children.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.