150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

When your mother asks, " Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Now Darkstripe,' Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, 'is neither young, nor pretty.

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

I am charging you with the protection of my mother and friends, not to mention keeping my younger self off the Internet. He is as dangerous as Opal.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.Opal tapped this into her notepad.Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable?

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.

She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back. That’s my girl.

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.