Quotes on “humor”

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

Look at me!Look at me!Look at me NOW!It is fun to have funBut you have to know how.

So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.

When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles......they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

Congratulations!Today is your day.You're off to Great Places!You're off and away!

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!

If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too.

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!

I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.

Everything stinks till it’s finished.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.

To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first

Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast.