Quotes on “humor”

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.

Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.

Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?'Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days.

I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.

Total non-retention has kept my education from being a burden to me.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

I have dozens of loyal fans! Baker's dozens! …they come in thirteens.

I’ve been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library.

Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known.

Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician.

"This is a good place," he said. "There's a lot of liquor," I agreed.

God knows I had not wanted to fall in love with her. I had not wanted to fall in love with any one. But God knows I had and I lay on the bed in the room of the hospital in Milan and all sorts of things went through my head but I felt wonderful...

No one in the world gets what they want and that is beautiful.